Thursday, July 3, 2008

RE:lationships

As always I'm continually impressed by high relationship turnover rates especially in and around my own youth group you would think that with the yearly sometimes BI-FREAKING-YEARLY sex/relationship lessons we get that people still go and fornicate (the looooong form of the f word) it up like its their motherfornicating jobs. Not that I'm that much better, but I consider myself a little better than most. But enough about me lets talk about all of you. In my observations you guys cant decide between dating the youth group one person at a time and the utter-yes-we've-all-been-there-heart-wrenching/rendering/rending-I'll-never-love-another-
like-I-love-you-now-please-never-leave-me-ness
Which makes me wonder why do we even date at all. The obvious answer being that we are all hormone drunk sweaty teens tricked into believing that our hearts should be followed and really do have all the answers. The other being that dating, holding hands and having someone to cling to gives us all a warm fuzzy feeling that seems to fill a void in us somewhere. Some people are addicted to that, and can't go to long without trying to fill it with someone else. Whether the succeed or fail is not the point, the point is rather that the are addicted to it. I think that void is actually two that overlap some and are right next to each other one is marked G-d the other that special someone. Now G-d can and should fill both and I believe that he will and will be better for you than any boy or girl ever could. I guess I just wanted you guys to know that. That G-d can fill the void, and he wants to, and that please let him start to fill it before starting to fill it with the special person too. I wanted you all to know that sometimes holding on to relationships long after their expiration dates or injecting more life into them because you're afraid of change isn't healthy, that bouncing around from and through relationships isn't good, that rebounds just cause more pain for everyone involved. That random play and friends with benefits always end with one person violating the agreement and becoming to emotionally invested. That your physical acts, all of them, not just sex, should be kept sacred and never cheapened. I want you all to consider G-d first in the relationship and the other person second. I wanted you all to know that when it's over that you can and should move on learn what you can, thank G-d for it, and continue on your journey. Realize that your love was good for a time. Don't linger. Please realize that I'm still a man and I recently ended a relationship, and right now have a girl or two that haunt my dreams and fill me with a longing for that very type of relationship i talked about so this is for me as much as it is for all of you. I know I'm a hypocrite, aren't we all? I also ask that if you respond to this, please be kind I write this with a heavy heart, not an angry one. with the knowledge that we can all learn from everything here even if we aren't going through it right now. if you feel like I'm calling you out specifically, look into your own heart and see if there is truth.

May the LORD our G-d bless you and keep you.
I love you all, yes, even you.
-Chuck

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dear Chuck,
So many of your comments were right on....thanks for saying it. Our oldest son, Joe, gave his wife the gift of not having kissed anyone else before he kissed her. WOW!! These days, that is pretty wild!! Unusual!!
but oh, so good....and we need to get back to the get to know lots of people as friends in a group thing...and then when you think YOU are ready to get married, and know someone you could imagine marrying, COURT her...which means dating with the purpose of leading to marriage (and I'm talking when you are financially independent, etcx)
and THEN....it will work the way it is supposed to, without all the heartbreak we set ourselves up for when the timing is not right....
or we are not ready ourselves...
etc.
I think it is great you wrote out your thoughts like this...very helpful to lots of people, I hope!
May the Lord Himself heal your hurts...

Love,
Donna Jeanne

Christine said...

Chuck,
I'm most definitely in the boat with you on this. I know I've probably had this conversation with you at some point but sometimes, failed relationships are a blessing in disguise. I believe that the Lord has a plan and is actively working in the world around us and in relationships that are not necessarily healthy.

I mean, sometimes failed relationships are a good thing. They let people know they aren't mature enough/knowledgeable enough, etc to handle being in a serious relationship in the teen years, or even in the early 20s.

And we have to let people make their mistakes. Unfortunately we cannot live others' lives for them.

I hope you are doing well. Email me your address sometime so I can send you a wedding invitation! miss you dearly.