Entry 1: Brief and permanent.
No, no, no
I was just outside
just outside
What could I have missed?
What could I have missed?
My love
dear love
Please wake up
just wake up
This isn't really happening
This isn't really happening
My willpower gone
leaning against a wall, her head in my lap
I can't even cry.
I stumble to the bridge
Though I fall, I feel no pain
my head is spinning
I wake up in my room
I don't remember walking here
She's gone forever ever isn't she?
Yes
Entry 2: The blurring of time.
I remember now
fixing the systems
and setting a course for home
staring out the windows
watching as the stars go by
Hours beget days
days beget weeks.
I feel not the passage of time
it is obscured by the pain.
the alarms stir me from my trance
how long were they sounding?
Entry 3: Space's cruelty
What did I do to deserve this?
Please, give me a sign
give me some sort of idea
how will I ever make it home With a dead ship?
Forget this forget you
still numb
my wavering spirit
could not bear another uphill battle
so I must leave this grave
how can I bear to abandon her in space?
a part of my heart died when I left
I will never get it back.
This black abyss is cruel.
Entry 4: Timelessness
There is no time here
no day or night
hours pass without notice
while I beg forgiveness for leaving her behind
I can no longer tell
if I am awake
or sleeping
draining fuel cells
all power to life support
let me drift
all
the
way
back
home
Entry 5: Adrifter
adrifter
is this my calling
so far out from home
I wish i was inside that ship
These stars are my only companions
and they all look the same
If ever I get home
will it truly be home?
without you there
and all I hear,
is the sound of you singing in my mind
blink once you're here
blink twice you're gone
My mind starts to quaver
is my heart still beating?
Is my blood still moving?
Is my pulse still marching?
am I still breathing?
Its hard not to be hopeless
when there is nothing to look forward to
I can't seem to stop listening to your singing in my mind
Entry 6: Remembrances, Contemplations and Suffocation.
I gaze out at the starlight
To think I would die surrounded by stars.....
To feel you near me again
I would give all the oxygen I have left
I feel this life is draining
draining out
I feel like I'm drowning in midair
I heard tell once
That the Hand of the Mighty
saved a man from the depths of the sea
Will the G-d who saved him save me?
The sleep over takes me
I can no longer breath
Day 1: Rescue.
from the edge of death
pulled back
to live again
and for what?
I would have died
I could have been by her side again
Oh holy God
you should have let me die
Entering Earth's orbit
I wonder what will happen next
Day 2:Unrequited Hero
never have I felt lonelier in a crowd
I can barely stand crushing silence of the white noise around me
Staring at someone in the mirror
They say it's me
I don't recognize the man
I died among the stars
I miss the quiet
I smile and shake hands
accept the praise
grin at cameras
empty gestures
I feel nothing
what life is worth living with no one to share it with?
gone so long from home
I do not recognize those I used to know
Staring at the mirror
I am lost in it's reflection
Who am I anymore?
Day 3: Suicide and Change.
I can barely stand the crushing
overwhelming
silence of this empty house
the quiet is louder than any noise
what I wouldn't give
that it was me instead of her.
she was perfect
I am a wretch of a man
why would she love someone like me
chocking back tears
change must begin
do I buy the gun
and pull the trigger?
do I buy the rope
and tie it around my neck?
do I buy the knife
and run it through my heart?
do I end it all?
is there hope?
do I end it all?
G-d please make up my mind
Gun in hand
My hand trembles
Is anyone out there listening?
do I pull the trigger?
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